Are you really ＂socially fearful＂ when you are avoiding socializing？
Guangming Daily reporter Liu Huadong Wang Xin Xin Hong
Are you really "socially fearful" when you are avoiding socializing?
Recently, the topic of "29-year-old doctor called an ambulance twice in January because of social fear" rushed to the top of the hot search, which also brought the discussion about "social fear" back to people’s field of vision. Nowadays, many young people label themselves as "social fear". According to a questionnaire survey, over 80% of the college students surveyed think they are slightly "socially fearful", and only about 12% think they are not "socially fearful" at all.
Nowadays, information technology makes socialization more and more accessible, but why do people become more and more "timid" and avoid socializing more and more?
The picture shows a "Let’s Move" and "Go to the Future" youth basketball match organized by donghu street. Photo by Wang Huixia/Bright picture
1. Your "social fear" may be just a label.
"I once met my colleague in the elevator and said hello. As a result, my colleague ignored me. When we met again in the future, we didn’t say hello, and everyone bowed their heads and walked away. "
Li Xiaobei (a pseudonym), a 23-year-old Beijing girl, talked about the reason why she didn’t want to take the initiative to say hello. According to her, that embarrassing feeling made her reluctant to communicate with each other even if she walked with her head down against the corner. "And I’m not the only one. The other person also lowered his head and didn’t take the initiative to talk to me. It is estimated that he is also a bit ‘ Social fear ’ Ok. " Zhang Xiaobei added, "The most uncomfortable thing is this situation. We know each other, but we are not familiar with each other. If you don’t know each other, there will be no need to socialize when you pass by. If everyone is familiar with each other, they will naturally say hello and joke, and they are afraid of that ‘ We should know each other, but we haven’t communicated ’ In the situation, no one wants to take the first step. "
During the interview, many people told reporters that it is true that some socialization will become a burden. "For example, you have to do psychological construction for a long time before calling leaders and customers." "When you stand in front of the stage or where there are many people, you will be afraid to sit in the back row in class, and you will find a corner to hide at the party for fear of being pointed out." "It is difficult to start an intimate relationship on your own initiative, and sometimes you especially admire and even envy people who are familiar with themselves, but you can’t do it yourself" … … At the same time, almost all the interviewees who call themselves "social fears" also have a circle of "chatting without scruple".
"To a large extent, they are not afraid of socializing, but are afraid of socializing with unfamiliar people and talking about unfamiliar or unconfident topics." According to Fang Xiaotian, a lecturer at the School of Journalism and Communication at Minzu University of China, "social phobia" no longer refers to an anxiety neurosis, but has become a label for young people to cover their social withdrawal. When you can’t talk about heaven, stick a "social fear" label to avoid it.
2. Online communication cannot replace real communication.
Recently, the reporter interviewed some college students about the social situation of young people, and about 70% of them said they preferred online communication. "You can think twice about sending text messages", "Sometimes if you don’t want to reply to the message at the first time, you can ignore it and give yourself a buffer time", "Offline is different, it is easy to be embarrassed and cold, and this time is very tired" … …
At present, social activities through online social media or online community organizations are not only more popular, but even some young people who are "socially fearful" online will become "social cows" in the online community, with obvious contrast.
Some experts believe that social networking can only output certain selected or beautified content. For example, the anchor can win fans’ love by showing his specialties such as singing and playing, and a carefully worded copy can resonate with the other party. The communication of "fostering strengths and avoiding weaknesses" is easier to meet social expectations, so it is easier to become a "social cow" in cyberspace, and "staying at home" has become a trend. However, can cyberspace really let "social fear" people get rid of their troubles?
Professor Yuan Hongmei, director of the Mental Health Education Research Center of the Student Affairs Department of Central South University of Forestry and Technology, has been engaged in psychological counseling for students for nearly 20 years. In her impression, compared with the past, most students sought psychological counseling because of conflicts, isolation and discrimination in real life. Nowadays, many students turn to her for help because of loneliness.
"Some online social activities seem to be very lively, with full arrangements and timely interactions every day, but in fact this busyness can’t fill the emptiness. Many students told me that in fact, once this kind of communication stops, the inner loneliness is even stronger. " Yuan Hongmei said.
"Online communication is an extension and supplement of real communication, and it cannot completely replace real communication. Deliberately avoiding real socialization is incomplete and not conducive to physical and mental health. " At present, the advantages and necessity of online communication are becoming more and more prominent. In order to meet the needs of some students, Yuan Hongmei’s team has been insisting on online psychological counseling services, but in her view, "online counseling" is only a transitional space. "I encourage students to go out of the online community, go more from online to offline, and communicate more and interact more in reality."
3. Don’t be afraid of making a fool of yourself. Keep your mind level.
"Too ‘ Social death ’ I’m so embarrassed that I have to dig out three rooms and one living room with my toes. " After listening to this sentence many times, Yuan Hongmei can also "quote" casually.
"Social death" was originally an online buzzword, referring to making a fool of yourself in front of the public, or doing something shameful in social circles, and there is no way to engage in normal social interaction. Fear of "social death" has also become a high-frequency topic in the social circle of young people.
"Some people have been overprotected since childhood, or have grown up in inappropriate encouraging education. It can be said that they have hardly suffered any setbacks, and some ‘ I’m great ’ ‘ Perfect person design ’ . Under such self-cognition, if the daily social performance fails to achieve the expected effect, or there are some accidents and setbacks, and it does not present a perfect state, it becomes what they call ‘ Social death ’ 。” Yuan Hongmei told reporters that in the words of college students now, I usually add a "perfect" filter to myself, and once this filter is broken, when facing the real situation, I will inevitably exaggerate my embarrassment and embarrassment, and over-enlarge my own small flaws. As long as there is a little bad feedback, I will ignore other good feedback.
"To put our mentality flat, we should not only experience the highlights and beautiful moments of communication, but also inevitably experience some scenes such as setbacks and failures in communication, so that we can gradually form a more stable and better communication state and be able to express, express and socialize with ease." Yuan Hongmei said.
4. Interpersonal communication is a real-time interactive process.
Zhang Xiaonan (a pseudonym), a 30-year-old Beijing guy, chatted with the blind date online for a month, almost feeling that he had found the "right girl". Looking at each other’s photos, he felt beautiful and lovely, and their hobbies were similar. They sent messages to each other every day when they had time. After a month of expectation, I finally met. Zhang Xiaonan felt that the other person was more ordinary than in the photo, and his face-to-face chat was a bit boring. "I didn’t feel like I had a heart before." "I sent her a message after I got home, but I didn’t reply. The next day, I found that I was blacked out. I guess she was a little bit ‘ Xiatou ’ Ok. " Zhang Xiaonan said.
Regarding this phenomenon, Yuan Hongmei said that both "social death" and "death by sight" have high expectations for social interaction, or feel that they "bring their own aura" and hope that they will perform perfectly, or have high expectations for each other, and there is a "perfect preset".
"Especially online interactive communication, there are certain elements of imagination and beautification for expressions and personalities other than language and words, and it is easy to raise expectations. In fact, it is normal to neither over-beautify social behavior nor over-terrorize the setbacks encountered in social interaction. " Yuan Hongmei said.
"No one likes loneliness, but they are afraid of disappointment." The chicken soup copy on the Internet tells the complicated mentality of many people when they face social interaction.
In the interview process, equality, sincerity, having fun, being free from prejudice and discrimination, and sharing the same interests are the key words of ideal social interaction for the young people interviewed. Yuan Hongmei also said that interpersonal communication is a real-time interactive process, which can be corrected and adjusted at any time. With more interaction and communication, social relations will become more real and harmonious. "This is very meaningful for our mental health, maintaining interpersonal relationships and enhancing happiness in life."